


Trust

by Rubber_Souls



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adamant Fortress, Fade Spirits, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-05-29 02:57:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6356155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubber_Souls/pseuds/Rubber_Souls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Her breath was coming out in a fog, her fingers aching from the coldness. Despair was pushing it's way from her lungs and Trust was slowly disappearing.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> This is my first time posting on ao3 and also my first fic in the Dragon Age Fandom, so I would really appreciate any feedback about characterisation or just in general.
> 
> Enjoy!

Betrayal. Despair. 

Around her, Adamant was crumbling. Wardens were dying.

_Clarel betrayed us._

_She betrayed the order._

_There is no righteousness in this!_

She covered her ears to block out the screams. Clarel had run off long ago, after the false saviour, but she still remained.

She'd watched from across the veil, always watching. Clarel inspired trust in all of the wardens, in all of Thedas. How could she not want to get closer?

The rifts, the blood magic, it drew her across with the demons. She made sure to stay with the Warden-Commander that everyone had so much faith in, it was the only way to stay whole. Now, however...

Another warden fell, demons springing forth from where his corpse once laid. His last thought.

_Why has the Warden-Commander abandoned us?_

She screamed and cried, her body going numb. This wasn't right, wasn't right-

“You're right,” a voice said softly from in front of her.

She lifted her head from her drawn up knees, tears still running in tracks down her cheeks.

A spirit, one of her brothers, knelt in front of her. One of her but not quite right. 

Almost her but not.

“This isn't right,” he said softly. “but we can fix it.”

Tears sprung to her eyes again and she shook her head.

“No, no she broke it!” she yelled, trying to get him to understand. “She had their loyalty, their _trust_ , they trusted her with their _lives_. And she _slit their throats and bled them dry_!”

She could feel the tear tracks freezing on her face, the ice in her chest expanding. Saw her brother’s eyes widen in panic.

“She abandoned them to die for her mistake! She betrayed their trust! She _shattered me_!”

Her breath was coming out in a fog, her fingers aching from the coldness. Despair was pushing it's way from her lungs and Trust was slowly disappearing.

He was gone in an instant. She did not blame him. She was not long for this world.

She hid her face in her knees again, hiding from the carnage. Her cries echoing those of the soldiers who were dying with her. 

The cold was spreading, up through her throat, down through her stomach and guts. Maybe she would freeze into an ice statue. Wisdom had shown her one once, a beautiful swan. 

“Cole, what are you-”

“She needs you.”

Her head shot up again, shocked her brother would return. Maybe he would end this torment for her, before it began.

He was not alone. _A bear,_ she thought at first, the mountain of fur on the human's shoulders catching her eye.

“You need Cullen,” her brother told her softly. “Not a bear.”

The man was stood motionless behind Compassion, but at his name he jerked forwards. Before she could even flinch, the fur on his shoulders was wrapped around her shivering form and she was in his arms being carried through the battleground. 

“Hush, little one,” he rumbled softly, his voice smooth and deep. He pulled the furred cloak over her head and pressed her face into his neck. “You will be safe from now on, you need not despair.”

Her tears melted slowly, the ice receding from her fingertips. She reached her small arms up, wrapped them around his neck, and trusted him to keep her safe.


	2. Chapter 1

She was small. It was the first thing Cullen noticed as he bundled her up. She was dirty and cold, and so very _small_. Dirt and blood were streaked in equal measure on her cheeks, the soles of her naked feet shredded from the rubble. She shouldn’t have been there.

He heard her let out a whimper and looked down into her face. Her eyes were blue, he realized. And they were looking around them at the demons, at the carnage. 

“Hush, little one,” he murmured. He pulled his cloak over her head and guided it down to his shoulder. “You will be safe from now on, you need not despair.” 

He felt her body finally sag into his hold and her arms crept up and clung around his neck. His hold on her tightened and he quickened his pace through the battle field.

Demons gravitated towards them. Each time one saw them he could feel the arms around his neck tighten and her small body quiver in fear. A few soldiers intercepted the ones headed towards them, and by the time Cullen could see the base camp there was almost a full retinue surrounding them, guarding them against harm.

“They don't question,” a small voice sounded in his ear. It took him a second to realise it belonged to the child he held in his arms. “They follow you, respect you. They trust you.”

“They trust me because they must,” he answered while striding into the camp. He walked quickly towards the healer's tent. She needed to be looked over for more severe injuries and she was still far too cold. 

He set her down on a cot and was able to get a real look at her for the first time. 

His furred cloak that was still settled around her shoulders made her look even smaller than she was. Her hair was a deep brown, and the paleness of her skin made the ash and blood all the more noticeable.

_Maker_ , he thought desperately. She couldn't be older than twelve years.

She was shaking her head frantically at him.

“No,” she breathed insistently. “ _He's kind and just, no one else I would follow._ ” Cullen jerked forward when her eyes filled with tears. “You're not like Clarel. She killed them. Didn't care that they had doubts, didn't care that something was _wrong_. I tried to tell her but she wouldn't _listen_.”

Cullen let out a sad sigh, knelt down to her level and cupped her small cheek in his right hand.

“This was not on your shoulders, little one,” he murmured quietly, soothingly. “Nothing could have stopped the Wardens. They were blinded by fear and desperation. This is not your fault.” He watched silently as the tears in her eyes spilled over and wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. “Now,” he said after a few moments. “I must return. You will be safe here with the healers.”

As he stood up, she grabbed his hand and held on tightly. “You will come back?”

She sounded so lost and frightened. Cullen’s heart broke at the sound. He smiled softly down at her and rested a palm on the top of her head. 

“As soon as the battle is finished I will come and make certain you're alright.” He smiled as she nodded and let go of his hand. He turned towards the opening of the tent and spotted Captain Rylen. “Stay with her,” he ordered while gesturing behind him. “Keep her safe until I return. She is your priority, you understand?”

“Yes ser,” Rylen answered, bringing a fist up to his chest in a salute. “I’ll protect her with my life, ser.”

Cullen nodded gratefully and left with a single quick look back.

-

Something had changed.

She felt heavy. Solid in a way she never had been before. The healers hurried around her, cleaning the cuts on the bottom of her feet and bundling her up in warm blankets.

She shouldn’t be hurt. She shouldn’t feel the warmth.

She watched the soldier that the man - _Cullen_ , she reminded herself - had left behind, as he scanned around the room. When his eyes came to land on her, she jumped and cast her gaze to the floor.

“It’s alright,” she heard after a few moments. She looked up to see the soldier giving her a small smile. “You have nothing to fear from me.”

_Nothing to fear. Protect her with my life._

She let out a breath and gave him a nod while trying to wrap the blankets tighter around her shoulders. She saw as the soldier’s smile turned sad, and he reached over to settle the blankets more comfortably on her.

“What is your name?” He asked. She clenched the blanket in her hands and bit at the inside of her cheek.

This was all wrong. She shouldn’t _have_ a form, not like this. Not solid and unchanging. Not _real_. 

She blinked as hands that weren’t her own came into her vision. They settled upon hers and loosened her grip.

“You don’t have to tell me,” the man told her. He was on a knee in front of her all of a sudden and she realised she must have lost herself in thought. 

_Something else that shouldn’t be_ , she thought to herself. She nodded to him, and he stood up to resume his post at the head of the cot.

-

Compassion was the first to see her after the healers had finished warming her.

“I’m Cole now,” he said as he appeared, and she could see the soldier jump to attention and reach for the pommel of his sword before realising who it was. “You can be someone too,” he continued, sitting in front of her on the ground after the soldier stepped back. “You’re like me now, more real.” 

She reached out for his hand - for reassurance - and he offered it gladly, clasping her hand in both of his. They were cold.

“I’m scared,” she whispered. Her voice wavered and she could see the soldier watching her out of the corner of his eye. “It hurts here. Every hurt is so loud. How can you stand it?”

Cole smiled sweetly up at her.

“I help.”


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Next chapter is here. Hope you like it!

The glow of the rift cast a green sheen on the stones and steps of the courtyard. All Cullen could focus on was keeping the demons contained to the courtyard, waiting for Inquisitor Trevelyan - _Evelyn_ \- to return.

“We must hold this position!” he called to the troops that were tiring. “The Inquisitor will return!”

For each demon they killed, another would pull itself out of the breach. It felt endless.

Until suddenly it wasn’t. The green disappeared, the last demons vanquished, and Evelyn stood before him, anger and sorrow writ on her face. 

“Thank the Maker,” he breathed, rushing to her side. “Inquisitor! Are you alright?”

“I am… Unharmed, Commander,” she answered. “There are more pressing concerns at the moment.”

The reply was unexpected to say the least. He had thought… But of course she was right. He ordered groups of soldiers to clear the rest of the fortress as the Inquisitor addressed the remaining Grey Wardens. He vaguely heard her conscript them into the service of The Inquisition as he helped any wounded back to base camp.

Dark had fallen when Cullen made it back to the healers’ tent. He had just been able to help one of his lieutenants onto a cot when something small barreled into his legs.

“You came back!”

Cullen looked down into the eyes of the little girl, dumbfounded for a second before he saw the bandages on her feet, red staining them and spreading. He leaned down and scooped her up quickly, holding her close.

“You shouldn’t be on your feet,” he said, spotting Rylen just seconds behind and raising a disapproving brow.

“My apologies, Commander,” Rylen said when he approached. “She...was very quick.”

“Evidently,” Cullen smirked. “Dismissed Captain. Get some rest.”

“Yes ser. Thank you ser.” Rylen cut a quick salute and left the tent. 

“Now,” Cullen said as he walked back to the cot his cloak had been left on and sat the girl down again. He crouched in front of her so they were at eye level. “You need to stay here until your wounds heal. Alright?”

“Will you stay too?” she asked reaching out to him. He took her small hands in both of his. “It’s too loud on my own.”

“Cullen? Who’s this?”

Cullen shot up and turned towards the voice, one of his hands still held firmly in the child’s. “Evelyn! I didn’t-...” Evelyn sent him a soft smile, and he trailed off. She looked behind him to the girl and he turned back to see her hiding most of herself behind the bulk of his armor. She had shifted forward to be closer to him and looked at the Inquisitor nervously. “Cole found her near the rift and led me to her. She was cold and her feet scraped, but otherwise she appears to be unharmed. I.. don’t know her name.” 

He felt more than saw Evelyn come up next to him. She crouched down, smiled at the child, and asked, “What’s your name sweetheart?”

-

The woman glowed. She was so bright, Trust almost couldn’t look at her for fear of being blinded. But the light was warm and welcoming and Trust found herself relaxing.

“I don’t know…” she answered while gripping Cullen’s hand tighter. “Cole said I was like him, that I could be someone too. But I don’t know how to _be_. I’m not supposed to _be_ …”

The fear and anger were so sudden, it felt like a solid wall hitting her full force. With it came distrust, and when she realized where it was coming from she dropped the hand she had been gripping like it had seared her skin. She scrambled back on the cot, and would have tumbled over the other side if her kin hadn’t shown up to catch her.

“You aren’t helping anymore,” Cole said, hugging her body to his. “Why aren’t you helping?”

She thought he was talking to her at first, but when she looked up, he was staring at the Commander.

“Cullen?” the woman asked, standing up. “What-”

“Forgive me, Inquisitor,” Cullen said, his voice quick and deathly quiet. “I must make my rounds of the soldiers.”

And with that he disappeared.

Trust shivered in her brother’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, how did you like it? Let me know! Comments=Love.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deliberated a lot on when to end this chapter, if I should add more to the end and all. However, writers block hit me hard and since it's been over a month since I added to this, I decided you guys deserved the next chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

Everything felt muted. All she could feel was the pounding in her ears and it was slowing ever so slightly. Cullen had felt betrayed. By her. 

_Why?_

The night had passed quietly. Soldiers slept fitfully but alive. She clung to Cole like a lifeline, and he clung back just as tightly.

And then he had left. 

“ _Scared, ashamed,_ ” he had said. “ _Why won't he help when not helping hurts too? I'll help you both._ ” Then he had given her a kiss on the top of the head and disappeared.

Maybe she didn't deserve to be helped. She wasn't someone after all, not really.

-

Cullen had not slept. He couldn’t, not knowing the nightmares that awaited him should he close his eyes. However, the look of shock and despair on the child's face hounded him all night regardless.

She was a demon, or a spirit. Cullen didn't know if he could tell the difference anymore. Didn't know if there _was_ a difference, only that nothing that he encountered from the Fade caused anything but pain. 

“That's not true.”

He spun to face Cole, his hand twitching to his pommel on instinct. The boy's hands were raised, empty of the daggers he seemed to wield as extensions of his arms. 

“What do you want?” Cullen scowled, hand dropping from his sword and clenching at his side. 

“She's small and fragile, barely born before she shatters again and again. Trust is easily broken.” Cole stepped forward slowly, “Clarel broke her, like Uldred tried to break you. You came back whole again, and helped her heal, but then you hurt again.”

“Do _not_ mention that name!” Cullen snarled. He felt a stab of satisfaction when Cole quickly took a step back, until…

“She's freezing alone and doesn't think she deserves to be saved. She needs you. And you want to help but helping hurts. Not helping hurts more.”

The fight drained from him in an instant. 

“It’s not that simple. I can’t-”

“You _can_!” Cole took another quick step closer. “She’s not-” He froze suddenly, head cocking to the side, like he was listening. “No. No, no, no, that won’t help,” he said quietly, worry and fear in his voice.

A child’s scream echoed around the camp as Cole disappeared.

Cullen ran.

-

Fascination swept over her first, announcing his arrival. Then concern.

“What happened, Da’len?” he asked as she looked up to him. Her blood ran cold.

The Dread Wolf. Fen’Harel. The trickster God, the Rebel, the saviour.

The liar. The Untrusting. 

“No, no you have to leave!” she yelled, her fingers, hands, arms _aching_ from the cold. “You need to get away!”

“Hush, all is well,” he said, taking a step forward, arms out. “I mean you no harm. What kind of spirit are you? If I know I’ll be able to help whatever ails you.”

She stumbled further back, trying to wipe away the frost forming on her skin.

“No! You’re making it worse, it _hurts_!”

He stopped, brows creasing, eyes moving across her. He opened his mouth to speak, but pain exploded in her head.

A scream ripped itself from her throat. She gripped her head in her hands and curled down onto the cold ground. 

_This is it_ , she thought, tears falling and freezing on her lashes. _I’m done_

She couldn’t feel the hands on her back, but she knew the voice that whispered in her ear.

“I will not let it take you, sister,” Cole promised. 

“You must kill me,” she whimpered. “ _Please_ brother, it is _agony_.”

She could hear people gathering, concern and curiosity emanating from them. And then worry and anger. 

“What is going on here?” Cullen shouted from the crowd. She looked up to see it part for him, and he positioned himself between her and the god. “Soldiers, return to your posts!”

The crowd dispersed quickly, and soon it was only the four of them in the center camp. Silence reigned for long moments before Cullen broke it. 

“Someone, tell me the meaning of this.”

Fen’Harel took a step back. Perhaps he could feel the rage leaking from the Commander as well. Or maybe he thought to distance himself from her. Either way, the distance didn’t help, the damage was already done. 

“ _Please!_ ” she begged, whole form trembling in Cole’s arms. “Please make it stop! You are Compassion! Will you not help me?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he picked her up and carried her to Cullen.

“Cullen,” he whispered. “Help my sister. Please.”

“No,” she cried, clutching the collar of his tunic. “No he hates me, please just kill me. Please, Cole, my brother please. I can’t-”

Suddenly another set of arms were around her. Warm arms that practically burned where they touched her, but the pain stopped spreading.

“Don’t say that,” Cullen murmured into her hair. “I don’t hate you. You surprised me and I reacted poorly. But I don’t hate you.”

She could feel no falsehood coming from him, no doubt. Some fear still lingered, however it wasn’t _of_ her but _for_ her. Something in her shifted at that realization. The frigidness in her heart disappeared completely as it never had before, not even when she had been in the Fade. Thoughts became quieter, colours sharper. 

She had truly left the Fade behind.

She clutched the shirt the commander was wearing in her small hand and closed her eyes. She wasn’t afraid anymore.

“All will be well now,” Cole whispered as she drifted to sleep.

_A name,_ she thought. _I must have a name._


End file.
